i have a ficus in my office.
not a fake tree, but a real ficus.
the ficus in my office is special to me. it was a gift, given at a time when the strength, support, and love it symbolized was something that i deeply needed…
_____
in my mind, there are scenes seared so deeply and remembered with in almost supernaturally vivid detail – memories of moments that littered one of the darkest seasons of my life.
memories
the memories taunt me. how can i remember some moments as wholly and as tangibly as if i were still living them, yet have so many gaps between them that i cannot recall, even when those present try to remind me of times we shared together as i walked through those dark moments? how can weeks just be gone? and how is it possible that littered along the way are moments that i will never stop living?
_____
the ficus that watches out my window, standing in the corner of my office, is a reminder of some of those memories. it is also a reminder of many memories
that were never made of life that was barely lived. it is a reminder of steadfast love of those who could never understand, but who would give anything to bring comfort. it is a reminder of those whose eyes watched me lean entirely on God and his promises while my life was consumed by loss, unknowing, and finally grief.
my ficus is my reminder of students who, by my grief, know what it looks like when there are no answers, no resolution, and no sense to be made. my ficus is my reminder of young christians, seeing and knowing that anything can be endured when you are surrounded by the love and comfort of God and of his people.
i know that the blessings of our years together will continue to fill my life.and i am so glad that God placed them in my life, and me in theirs for a while.
